


Anxiety is the Dizziness of Freedom

by vogue91



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Battle of Hogwarts, Canonical Character Death, Drabble Collection, Gen, Introspection, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-21 17:23:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13745739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: Seven random drabbles with random characters about pain.





	Anxiety is the Dizziness of Freedom

_ The Pain of Obedience _

Kreacher always obeys to the Young Master’s orders.

Kreacher does whatever he’s asked.

And yet... watching him lose his mind, while he gets dangerously close to that black water, of which bottom can’t be seen, makes him want to go against the rules, to go back, to help him.

Instead, he’s forced to look the macabre show of his pain consuming under his eyes.

Kreacher is a good House Elf.

But without Young Master Regulus, it makes no sense anymore.

Kreacher obeys. Always.

And he runs from that pain, as he was ordered.

 

_ The Pain of the End _

I don’t feel any pain.

Just a strange sense of peace.

I look at my brothers, and I look at that monster that too many times has taken the mask of friend.

I hate him.

Or perhaps, actually, I hate myself for I know I’m like him.

Their surprised stares set on me, reminding me of my face when I hit mom.

I feel like crying. I didn’t want to, and they didn’t either.

Albus gets closer, but it’s too late.

I fall, lifeless, closing my eyes.

I wish I could tell him it’s not his fault, but life’s gone.

A useless, unhealthy, harmful life.

 

_ The Pain of Death _

I always liked my job.

Not that night.

That night I didn’t see just burns caused by some poorly brewed potion, or serious wounds, sign of inexpert spells.

That night, Death had come to me.

Pain and suffering passed under my eyes, almost unconcerned of what I felt for them, as if I was there only to tend to their needs.

I failed, in front of bodies that weren’t going to open their eyes anymore.

I ran, trying to chase after their souls, but they were too fast for me.

Death soaked that place. And I was alone to face it.

 

_ The Pain of Absence _

Betrayed.

Betrayed, thinking that for you I could’ve been more important than anything else.

But you never stopped accusing me for the death of your bloody sister, just so you wouldn’t have had to admit that the wand that had cast the fatal blow could’ve been yours.

I laugh of you, I laugh of your rush in wanting to eradicate me, as if I was a poisonous root.

Nurmengard’s walls are getting narrower, but I can’t see it.

The only thing I can think about, is that you’ve made your choices.

I don’t hate you. I just hurt for it.

 

_ The Pain of Vengeance _

I look at these walls with a sardonic smile on my lips.

I close my eyes briefly, and my mind wander on the corpses of filthy mudbloods that will lie here, as a warning to my foolish companions, too condescending with that shame of the Wizarding World.

They will pay for being born, for their useless and miserable lives.

For having infected the walls of the noble Hogwarts.

I bid farewell to the basilisk, the weapon that will gain my victory.

I go away fast, accompanied by an echo of screams that are yet to come, but that won’t be late to soak this room of pure agony.

 

_ The Pain of Surrender _

His voice full or rage.

His eyes, of pain.

My people and I were enduring his uncontrolled ire, without reacting.

Until I realised what he was asking of us.

He was asking to betray all we believed in, all we professed.

To become slaves.

I didn’t like to be called a coward, that was my justification.

The truth was that, as far as I could hate mankind, I couldn’t bear to watch the anguish in his eyes.

I raised my eyes on the stars, looking for the signs.

“We will fight.” I caved, defenceless in front of the pure desperation.

 

_ The Pain of Blood _

I never loved the Killing Curse.

It’s too tidy, too quick, little satisfying.

I’m the king of Chaos.

At night, when I read pure terror in the eyes crossing mine, the confusion, to me it’s a real drug.

It’s not about killing.

It’s about _pain. Blood. Fear._

Because they’re all men, and they don’t want to get their hands dirty.

I’m an animal, and I live for the taste of flesh under my teeth.

Their horror is my oxygen.

Their blood is my water.

I’m a monster. And being one, is _intoxicating._


End file.
